Forgiveness

Of course this time of year we hear a lot about forgiveness. I personally think I must have been dropped on my head as a baby  because I have an overabundance of forgiveness when it seems like others find it difficult to forgive, it is extremely easy for me, for some insane reason. My first husband threw a full beer bottle at my forehead when I was 2 months pregnant and has forever scarred my face, I forgave him immediately, he threw a number of other items at me later on in our marriage, I continued to forgive. However, when he critically injured my 6 month old baby.... I wanted nothing but pain and suffering to come to him. I can forgive things that happen to me...but to my kids? Not so much!

My second husband beat me regularly when he was high on crack and again, forgave immediately. I know God wants us to  forgive but I thought forgiving meant to "forgive and forget". Like how he wipes our slate clean from sin, I thought I was supposed to forgive all the bad and move on as if it didn't happen.  Many people can't understand what in the world I was thinking (and I look back now and wonder myself how I could have been so naive), but I honestly thought I would be sinning by not forgiving and walking out on my marriage.

I recall my best friend asking me why I always wake up like its a new day. My reply is "well it is a new day, Duh!" But what she didn't understand (as most people don't) is why I would forgive and forget and wake up like it was a new day and not let the horribly frightening day before affect me. I was completely misunderstanding the act and process of  forgiveness. It took me years to fully understand this concept.

• Forgiving does not mean you will never feel that pain again or remember how that person hurt you.
• Forgiving is not about right or wrong. To forgive doesn't mean you are taking ownership in the "wrong" and admitting the other person is "right". It doesn't mean you are excusing the behavior or giving them permission to continue to repeat the behavior.
• Forgiving does not mean you need to continue the unhealthy relationship; you can forgive a person and live apart from them. ~ This one was a big one for me....eye opening!! Ding Ding Ding!!

I lived many years in very violent situations due to my unhealthy forgiving practices. I am only here by God's grace! I  think these concepts also work for those that have difficulty forgiving others. You have to ask yourself, was the wrong that was done so bad that I can't ever trust that person again? If so, then you still must forgive and let that go because otherwise the unforgiveness becomes a poison inside your heart...but you can choose to live apart from that person since the trust has been lost. It is necessary to understand that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, it is not forgetting, condoning or excusing. It is merely a matter of the heart. Forgiveness leads to peace....and there is nothing better than peace.